I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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