If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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