I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
