Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
