i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
