Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
