question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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