if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
