I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
