I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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