when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
