I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
