I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
