alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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