She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
