im drinking this country out of the recession.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want to fling myself into the sun
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