she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
