haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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