if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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