i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
