You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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