Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
