I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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