so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
