i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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