My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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