i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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