Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
