Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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