On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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