Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
