You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
