shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
