i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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