I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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