VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
