I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
