You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
