I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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