My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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