I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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