Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
