Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
