i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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