you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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