Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize