Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
