He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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