ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her