your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?