Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.