dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.