So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley