I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.