I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.