He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"