Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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