this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
