I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
