Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
