Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
