So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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