Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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